I got a 3D television.
It was inspired by a visit to KassemG's house, where I watched a horror film in 3D.
I had never been particularly charmed by the idea of a big fancy TV, in fact I was proud of once owning no-television-at-all for a good 6 year chunk of my 20's.
But on that fateful afternoon, I was won over.
The image was so bright and big and 3 dimensional chainsaws were flying at my face, it was a glorious experience.
I went home and tried to watch a movie on my little TV, and it felt like I was on an airplane.
So, I shopped around, did some research, found a floor model on sale at Best Buy, and came home with a shiny giant.
For a few weeks, it just sat in front of my old TV which was mounted on the wall, some sort of modern day white trash flatscreen museum.
enter the 3D porno.
Just the other night, I wanted to demonstrate the awesome power of my 3D television to a skeptical friend visiting from out of town.
I wanted him to feel what I felt that afternoon at Kassem's, the raw power of flying chainsaws.
Unfortunately, all I had in 3D was Ice Age 2.
I ran to my local video store, which somehow survived the Blockbuster apocalypse, only to find they hd one 3D title available.
Thor.
Blech.
I came home with Thor, and I found out that my local video store has an adult DVD rental section, which I had no idea about.
I always thought that curtain led to some sort of employee's only lounge or something.
Turns out, behind that curtain is a wonderland of porn available for rent.
There is something inherently gross about that, but who am I to judge?
Back to Thor, I came home with it, and it was utterly unimpressive.
Some 3D parts were cool, but mostly it was just blond people yelling and Natalie Portman looking bored.
As we drifted out of interest in Thor, I mentioned to my visiting friend:
"my video store has an adult section, isn't that crazy?"
"no, but if they had 3D porn, that would be crazy"
The thought left my mind as I moved on to other thoughts, mostly pondering what it must be like to have your best movie performance as a 12 year old.
Black Swan be damned.
Just an hour ago, the question of whether or not 3D porn exists popped back into my mind.
The question was answered, not only does it exist, but it exists in perhaps the most ridiculously awesome way possible.
"This Ain't Ghostbusters" is a 3D adult movie interpretation of the original Ghostbusters movie.
I ordered it with one day shipping.
We'll see.
-np